The Place We Used to Love
by castingstarlight
Summary: Elena Gilbert is a college junior with the perfect life. She is premed with two great friends. Her worst problem is that she finds herself drinking too much. At least that's what it looks like from the point of view from her new flame Damon Salvatore. He meets Elena and has to know her. But when her secret comes out, will it be too much for him to take? AU/AH
1. Something to Rely On

**A/N: hey guys! I've had some major writers block in my other stories, I know where they're going but I'm not sure how to get there so I thought I'd take a break and give you something new, still heart breaking but it should be angst filled and great. let me know what you think! Remember AU/AH**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own TVD**

"Hey, Lena I have an 8am class. I have to go."

"Boo." Elena said, poking out her bottom lip, her glass of bourbon in her hand.

"Come on, don't do this." Caroline said, biting her lip, her blonde hair falling into her eyes.

"I'm fine, Care. Give me a break, I've earned this." Elena said, pushing her dark hair behind her ear.

"It's coming in nicely. You've always had such great hair."

"Give me a break, Forbes. I didn't come to college for you to lecture me, I came so people with PHD's could do it." She said smiling sweetly.

"I just…worry about you."

"I know you do." Elena said, pulling her best friend into a hug. "I won't stay out much longer. But you should take Bonnie home." Elena said pointing to their mocha colored friend who was passed out on the bar.

"You're probably right."

"I am right." Elena said kissing Caroline's cheek.

"I'll be fine, I'll take a cab and I'll see you soon."

"Call if you need any.."

"Care, go." Elena said almost pushing Caroline and Bonnie out of the bar, the moment they were out of sight she downed her glass. "Another, Maestro." She said with a glistening smile.

"Bourbon." She heard a voice on her left and turned to find a dark haired man with striking blue eyes.

"Good man." She said, grinning.

He raised an eyebrow as he saw her drink get handed to her. "I don't know a lot of women who can handle a bourbon."

"You need some new friends." She said raising her glass to her lips.

"Clearly." He said with a smirk.

"How have I never seen you in here before?" Elena asked, her hand gesturing to the bar.

"I'm a day drinker," He whispered as he got his bourbon.

"So what brings you here tonight Mr. Day drinker?"

"The drink earlier today wasn't enough." He said cheekily and Elena found her stomach fluttering. He was cute, and he knew it.

"Sounds fair." She said grinning. "Bree, make it a double." She said throwing down her hand.

He chuckled and downed his bourbon as the bartender handed them each a shot.

"Hopefully tomorrow will be better, and if not… we always have Vodka."

"Spoken like a true alcoholic." He said as they both downed their shots. "What about you… what has brought you here?"

"Overbearing friends. I broke up with my boyfriend, and they now think I need to be babysat."

"Why'd you break up with him? If you don't mind me asking." He asked, adjusting his leather jacket.

"He had our lives all planned out. He wanted marriage, and kids…"

"And you don't want that life?"

"It's not that." She said with a sour laugh. "I can't want it."

Damon's eyes watched her, studied her. They were gentle and open as if he was really trying to understand her. "Why?"

"It's dangerous. Wanting things like that can only get you hurt. Love can only get you hurt."

"You loved him?"

Elena paused for a moment as she wondered why she felt like she needed to explain her life to this stranger, maybe it was the warmth that the alcohol brought through her veins or maybe it was the softness in his eyes but her lips parted an she whispered. "No."

"Then what's the worry?"

"He loved me. It's dangerous to love me."

"I can image that." He said, a smile growing on his lips. "Maybe that's why you're so interesting."

"Nah." Elena said grinning. "That's my natural charm." She said playfully flipping her hair, knowing her sober self would hate her in the morning, but not really caring.

"Why do they think you need babysat? You seem fine to me." He said, his voice smooth.

"They're afraid I'll break."

His hand slid across the bar and brushed hers. "You seem pretty solid to me."

Elena's heart beat sped up.

"I'm Damon."

"I'm…" Elena swallowed hard. "I shouldn't say." She said suddenly, standing. "I have to go."

Damon's eyebrows came together. "What? Why?"

Elena tried to move away but realized their hands were still together. "You have to let go, Damon."

"I want to see you again." He said insistently.

"Why?"

"I just… Want to know you." He said, his eyes gentle and vulnerable.

"You can't. It's da.."

"Dangerous." He sighed. "I know." After a brief pause he smiled sheepishly. "But I like danger, and I have a feeling you do too."

Elena swallowed hard as their eyes met, she couldn't deny whatever he was feeling she was feeling too. Her heartbeat was racing, and she knew it wasn't fair to him and she knew that it would bite her in the ass in the morning, but she still had bourbon courage so she smiled slightly. "Elena. It's Elena." Her voice was soft, like the flutter of butterfly wings as her fingers left his grip.

"Elena." He said with a smile, trying it out on his lips. "Elena what?"

"If you really want to know me, that'll be good enough." She said mischievously as she turned on her heels and left the bar. Leaving him standing in the middle of the almost empty bar, her name still fresh on his lips.


	2. Broken Inside of You

**A/N: I realize this is a super quick update, I just feel very jazzed about this story at the moment and so I want to get the fluff out of the way before I can get to the real meat of the story. R &R please!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own TVD**

"Ugh." Elena groaned, rolling over in her bed in her dorm. "I'm having regrets."

"What did I tell you?" Caroline asked, her curling iron twisted in her blonde hair.

"Here" Bonnie said tossing her friend the aspirin. "I'm feeling it too."

"Woman after my own heart." Elena said smiling gratefully at her friend.

"So what happened last night?" Bonnie asked sitting on her bed that was across from Elena's.

"I met a guy."

"You _just_ broke up with Liam, Elena!" Caroline said frustrated.

"I know this, Care." Elena said, her head pounding. "Nothing happened with this guy, he was just there." She said popping the pills into her mouth and dry swallowing them.

"I don't know how you do that." Bonnie said making a face.

"Practice, Bon."

Bonnie suddenly looked down at her lap.

"It's okay, really. You don't have to walk on egg shells around me."

Bonnie looked back up and smiled at her. "Was he cute?"

"Yeah." Elena said staring at the ceiling, she could still feel his hand on hers. "He had these gorgeous blue eyes and dark hair… God…"

"Wait.. what was his name?"

"Damon, why? It's not like I'm ever going to see him again…"

"Oh my _God_ Elena!" Caroline squealed.

"What?" Elena asked holding her head.

"That's Stefan's older brother!" Caroline said, her mouth hanging open. Stefan was Caroline's boyfriend since freshman year.

"What?" Elena said sitting straight up in her bed.

"Yes! See!" Caroline said pulling up a picture of the Salvatore brothers on her cell phone, and sure enough there was Stefan smiling next to the hottie from the bar.

"Oh God, this is bad." Elena said, sinking back into her sheets.

"How is it we haven't met him before? You and Stefan have been dating for three years…"

"He took a couple years off after graduation and he's back here getting his masters." Caroline said biting her lip.

"We were both really drunk, and we just talked… I'm sure it meant nothing to him. We aren't ever going to see each other again."

"But I'm dating Stefan, and now that he is here… we can't promise that. You just broke up with Liam, Elena."

"I know, Care! This was stupid… okay? I get that. But… you shouldn't have left me alone."

Caroline's eyes widened. "Are you kidding me?"

A smirk grew on Elena's lips and a laugh bubbled up in her chest.

"This isn't funny! It's a disaster!"

"Care, listen to me." Elena said standing up, holding her friends shoulders.

Bonnie was stifling a giggle behind them.

"It's not like we had sex. We literally just talked. That is in no way a marriage proposal, okay? Even if I do see him again, we are not going to date. Nothing is going to happen. He probably doesn't even remember me."

Suddenly a swift knock came on the door. "Got it." Bonnie said hopping up, and answering the door.

The skinny girl from down the hall was holding a huge bouquet of flowers. "I think these are for you guys."

Caroline's eyes lit up. "Stefan is so sweet!"

"Hey they could be from Jeremy." Bonnie said, defensively. Bonnie was extra sensitive about her relationship with Jeremy since he was away at art school.

Both girls bounded to the door and grabbed for the card.

Elena laughed watching them fight but stopped when both girls turned to her with wide eyes. "What?"

"To Elena. What do you think about a little danger? –D" Caroline read aloud. "Oh my _God_ Elena!"

Blush danced to Elena's cheeks. Oh my God was right.

"Danger?" Bonnie smirked.

"Yeah, what does that mean?" Caroline said, panic on her face.

"It's just a conversation we had…"

"Oh my God you're blushing, Elena!" Caroline said, excitement growing out of the panic.

"I am not!" Elena said as her cheeks grew redder.

Bonnie walked the bunch of deep red roses and handed them to Elena, who instinctively brought them to her nose. The scent made her heart pick up, like when he had touched her hand.

Suddenly Elena's phone started to vibrate on the side table, the number was unknown. "Hello?"

"You got the flowers." The voice was unmistakable.

"How do you know that?"

"I can hear it in your voice." She could hear the smile in his voice and it made her blush more.

"Oh? Well, I don't even like them." She said still gripping them.

"Ah. Are you dangerous because you lie?" He said, snark thick in his voice.

"You won't let that go, will you?"

"Who is it?" Caroline asked, her eyes wide.

"It's him, obviously." Bonnie said.

"What!? I didn't think he had your number."

"How did you get my number? How did you find me?"

"Well I went home last night mumbling about some brunette named Elena, and my brother showed me a picture of his girlfriends best friend… and the rest is history, Elena Gilbert." A shiver went down her spine when he said her full name and she shook it off. What was with this guy?

"That's not creepy at all." She forced.

"I'm glad you think so, because I think you need to have lunch with me today." His voice was smooth, he wasn't missing a beat.

"And why should I do that?"

"Because you want to."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because you aren't as good of a liar as you pretend to be, Elena."

She swallowed hard, her mouth was dry, he was hitting the nail right on the head. "But what happens if I go to lunch with you?"

"Ohmygod" Caroline whispered and Elena shot her a look that made her press her lips together.

"You'll want to have lunch with me for the rest of the semester."

"Cocky."

"Very much so." She could picture his blue eyes lighting up and she couldn't lie to herself, she did want to see him again. She closed her eyes and suddenly her aunt Jenna's face popped into her head.

 _"Elena listen. You're going away to college, people won't know you there… and I just… I want you to have fun okay? Live a little, kid."_

 _"Yeah aunt Jenna, calling me kid… That'll get me to really live." Elena joked._

 _Her red headed aunt put her hands on her hips. "I'm serious, Elena. Don't go off to college and push people away like you do here. You deserve some friends, and a boyfriend if you want." Aunt Jenna paused before adding. "Or a girlfriend, I mean this is college."_

 _"Thanks for that." Elena said laughing._

 _"Just promise me, okay? I can't be there to watch over you." She said, her eyes spilling over with tears._

 _"Jenna, don't cry." Elena said hugging her aunt, who had taken her and her brother in when her parents died in a car accident years ago. "Yeah, okay. I promise. I will have fun. Letting people in. Experiment with my sexuality."_

 _"Thank you." Jenna said sniffling. Elena smiled and squeezed Jenna one more time before pulling away. "Just use protection."_

Elena sighed, Jenna would never forgive her if she knew that Elena was about to pass this up. "We will see about that. I'll come today, but I guarantee I won't want lunch with you again."

"Challenge accepted. I'll pick you up in two hours." Damon said smirking before he hung up the phone.

"You're going?!" Caroline squealed.

"I guess I am."

"Good for you." Bonnie said smiling. "You deserve some fun."

"Am I the only sane person in this dorm? Its exhausting… honestly."

"Finish curling your hair, Care, you look like a troll doll."

Caroline gasped and went back to curling her hair, still grumbling to herself as Elena brought the flowers to her face again and inhaled deeply, and she could've sworn beneath the scent of roses she could smell the faintest hint of bourbon and leather.


	3. No One Knows Anything but Us

**A/N: Hey guys! It's been really hard for me to pump this chapter out, I know where I'm going with the story and it'll be a lot of sweet fluff at the beginning and then it's going to get difficult :) Can't wait! Review please so I know what you're thinking.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own TVD.**

"So where are we going?" Elena asked, her feet propped up on the dash in his Camaro.

"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise would it?" Damon asked casually.

"You're right." Elena pouted. "And I hate that."

"You'll get used to it." He smirked, glancing at her.

"Fine. If you won't tell me where we're going… then tell me something about yourself?"

"What do you want to know?" He asked, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

"What made you insist on me coming out with you today?" Elena asked casually, her eyes memorizing the way he looked with his hair blowing in the wind.

"Honestly? I haven't felt attracted to any woman since my ex."

"Wow, the ex talk already?"

"Her name was Katherine and she was a crazy bitch and a liar."

Elena swallowed hard, this wasn't good. "Damon…"

"Let me explain." He said quickly. "I waited for what seemed like a hundred years for her, she was in the peace corps. Her good nature was what originally attracted me to her, but after spending years away from her, teaching myself how to wait. I showed up at the hospital in Ethiopia that she claimed to work at with an engagement ring to find out that they had never heard of her." His face was solemn.

"How is that possible?"

"She was screwing her philosophy teacher and I was her cover so he wouldn't get in trouble." He sighed.

"Damon, I'm so sorry."

"Listen, its fine… I thought all women were awful, all relationships are doomed to end."

"Hm."

"I'm a fatalist." He said shooting her a dazzling smile that made her stomach flip flop.

"Me too." She admitted.

"I saw you, and I knew you'd be fun."

"Someone I could spend time with." She continued his sentence.

"Someone I could laugh with."

She smiled slightly. "A friend?"

"Mhm." He grunted slightly. "we are here."

Elena sat up slightly in her seat and looked around. "Where are we? This isn't a restaurant."

"Well now that we know you aren't blind." He said laughing, as he moved his way to the trunk where he had a picnic basket and blanket.

Elena opened the car door and looked around, they were in a clearing right before a patch of trees that looked like they led directly into the woods. "Is this where you come to kill me?"

"Yup, you got me." He said rolling his eyes. "Come on." His motorcycle boots crunched on the pine needles as he made his way through two trees.

"And I'm just supposed to follow you?" She yelled after him. "A complete stranger?"

"I'm not a complete stranger, besides, your friends know who you're with. I'd be an idiot to kill you when they know you're with me." He said, his smirk obvious in his voice.

"Good point." She said matching his stride. "Scary point, but still good."

"So…Elena."

"So, Damon."

"Is it my turn to learn something about you?"

"Oh, is that what we are doing?" She asked, fake shock in her voice.

"I'd say so." He said, speeding up a bit.  
"What do you want to know?"

"Everything." He said casually.

"Well that's a little too broad, sorry, Salvatore." She said pushing her hair out of her face, a bead of sweat appearing on her forehead.

"Fine. Have you ever broken any bones?"

"My arm when I was six." Elena said with a slight smile.

"Any siblings?"

"One brother, Jeremy. He's two years younger than me in art school."

"Parents still together?"

"They're dead." Elena said flatly.

"Mine too."

Elena looked at him for a moment, for once in her life in complete understanding of someone else. For once someone actually could understand her grief.

"How, if you don't mind me asking?" Damon asked her as he pushed a branch out of their way.

"Car wreck, we went into the river. I came out, they didn't." Elena said softly. "What about you?"

"My Mom died of childbirth with Stefan, and my Dad was teaching us how to shoot rifles when I was eighteen… There was an accident, the bullet ricocheted off a tree…"

Elena stopped. "Damon, I'm so sorry."

He turned and looked at her, kindness in his eyes. "I'm sorry about yours too."

Elena nodded and they continued to walk in silence for a few moments. "What about you? Any broken bones?"

"Nope. Never even been in a hospital or anything. They always made me nervous." Damon said casually.

"Yeah," Elena coughed a bit. "Me too, hospitals… yuck."

"We're here." Damon said pushing through two trees.

"Where is here?"

"Have a look." He said, with a smile. Elena followed up behind him and gasped as she saw the huge lake in front of her. They were on a cliff top over looking the lake.

"Wow,"

"Yeah." Damon smiled spreading out his blanket and sitting his picnic basket down.

"Do you bring all your dates here?"

"Is that what this is, a date?" He asked with a smirk.

"What?!" She said forcing a laugh. "No, of course not…"

'"Well you said date…"

"No I just meant," Elena began as she sat down on the blanket. "I meant that, you know, this is a really weird place to bring a friend to just casually hang out you know?"

Damon chuckled slightly sitting across from her. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Because that's what we are, friends."

"Yeah, Elena. I get it." He said solemnly.

Elena looked down at her hands, fidgeting slightly. "What'd you make? It smells great.."

"You're telling me you can smell the Italian sandwiches?" He asked smiling slightly.

"Mmm. Sounds great." She prompted. "Can we go ahead and eat?"

"Yup." He said slowly opening the basket. "That's what friends do," He grabbed the sandwich and handed it to her. "Have at it."

"Thanks." She said slowly, biting into the sandwich. "Oh my God, Damon this is delicious."

"I'm glad you like it." He said smiling slightly, looking at her.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He said slowly before pausing. "You know what? No. I get that you don't want anything to happen with us. I get it, okay? But it still sucks to have it thrown in my face like that."

Elena sighed and sat the sandwich down, he didn't understand. How could he? She wasn't meant to be with anyone and she could never be with anyone. It wasn't fair, she had already tried with Liam and it hadn't worked. It never could work because she would never be able to be honest, she would never have a future with anyone. She exhaled and stood up, standing at the edge of the cliff. "The water is beautiful." She said calmly. "It looks really nice." She looked back at him. "You asked me here because you said you liked danger, right?"

Damon shrugged. "Sure."

Elena stretched her hand out. "Then lets not worry about anything… Lets just have fun." He stood up and took her hand and she lead him to the side of the cliff. "On three, okay?"

Damon smiled at her. "Are you sure…"

"Hey, what are you, the fun police?" Elena asked, snark in her voice.

"Hell no." Damon said loudly, before pressing his lips to her ear. "Three."

And they leapt toward the water, in the moment that they were airborne, floating together in space, there was no turning back.


	4. The Mess Is Mine

**A/N: Hey guys! I've worked really hard on this chapter, I have so many things I want to do with this story! I hope you're liking it. Time to shake things up! :) Read and Review :) Lmk what you think!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own TVD… sigh.**

There's a mystery, when you start to feel close to someone. It's like you're there, but you're not. It's like you're floating in space, unable to grip onto something, anything to keep yourself steady. That's what was happening to Elena.

Elena laid on her back on Damon's bed. She was tossing a hacky-sack in the air, catching it, and repeating it. "Are you finished getting ready yet, princess?" She said, smiling slightly.

"Hey, watch it." Damon laughed throwing a balled up t-shirt at her. "I don't know what I'm supposed to wear to the infamous Caroline Forbes' party."

"Well," Elena said sitting up, to see that he was shirtless. Her heartbeat picked up, they had been seeing each other nonstop for the last week and a half but they were still floating in the friend zone, exactly where she thought they should be. She averted her eyes from his bare chest and held up the maroon v-neck that he had thrown at her. "This is perfect."

"Are you sure?" He asked, his blue eyes glowing.

"Mhm." Elena said, trying as hard as she could not to stare at him.

Damon raised an eyebrow. "I knew it."

"Knew what?" Elena asked, a little too quickly.

"You totally love me." He said smirking and eyeing her.

"What? No."

"Then why do you keep asking me out?"

"I don't." Elena said rolling her eyes. "You keep showing up. Or texting me telling me you're picking me up."

"But you join me." He said with a grin.

"Like I have a choice." Elena said sticking her tongue out at him.

"You love it." He said sliding the shirt over his head. "You sure this is okay?"

"Caroline will get over it if she doesn't like it. She also didn't think I should be wearing this to come and see you." She said gesturing to her Mystic Falls High t-shirt, jean shorts, and converse.

"Well she's right, it's completely unacceptable." He said smiling gently at her.

"I guess we will be two peas in a poorly dressed pod."

"Sounds great." He said wiggling his eyebrows as he shrugged into his black leather jacket. "Let's go."

"Finally." Elena said throwing her legs off his bed and hopping up.

They arrived at the dorm fifteen minutes late. "Some party." Damon said raising an eyebrow at Caroline and Stefan who sat across from Bonnie.

"Finally, you guys are here." Caroline said, as she snuggled closer to Stefan.

"So what exactly are we doing?" Elena asked as she plopped on to her bed.

Damon lowered himself next to her.

"Well, first." Caroline said pouring them all champagne. "I thought we would drink, and then play charades."

"Charades?" Damon asked with a frown.

"That's Caroline for you, enjoy the champagne." Elena said handing him a glass.

"Do you have anything harder?" He whispered into her ear.

Elena giggled a bit in response and nodded, pulling a flask out from under her pillow.

"My kind of girl."

"Okay you guys!" Caroline said popping up. "Draw a paper from the bowl."

Bonnie smiled. "I'll keep score." She said grabbing their dry erase board off the wall. "Two teams, go."

Damon shrugged and stood up after taking a swig from the flask. "We'll go first, I guess." He dug his hand into the bowl and grabbed a piece of paper. "Movies, really?"

"Shh, just go! No words!" Caroline said throwing her pillow at him.

"Okay, okay, sorry." Damon said putting his hands up before he read his slip of paper. The corner of his mouth raised into a smirk as he rubbed his hands together. "Alright, start the time."

"You have a minute, Elena start guessing whenever you think you know it." Caroline said grinning. "Go!"

Damon walked to the wall and knocked on it then pointed upwards with a smile.

"Knocked up?" Elena asked.

"Ding ding ding." Damon grinned as he flopped back down next to Elena who immediately high fived Damon. "Point one for us Bon Bon."

Caroline smiled and jumped up. "Our turn! I'll go first." She grabbed and piece of paper, read it and grinned.

"Go." Elena said as Caroline immediately began acting like a zombie. Her hands were straight out and she drug her leg behind her. Elena took two huge gulps from the flask, already starting to feel dizzy.

"The Walking Dead?" Stefan questioned.

Caroline shook her head and patted the floor then began her zombie act again.

"I… I don't know."

Caroline sighed and then her eyebrows perked up and she pantomimed a gun and pretended to shoot it once then again.

"Zombieland!"

"Yes!" Caroline squealed.

Elena hopped up and dug her hand into the bowl and grabbed her paper. She immediately looked at Damon and shushed him and before she could do the second half Damon piped up. "Silence of the Lambs?"

"Yes!" Elena said grinning.

"How is that even possible?!" Caroline shouted.

"We're unstoppable." Elena said throwing her arms in the air with a victory dance, after she plopped back on the bed she pressed the lips of flask to hers in a dangerous kiss. .

"Fine. Us now." Caroline said standing. She gave Stefan an encouraging smile. She read her card and laughed a bit before she went to Damon and flipped him over and sent her bare foot flying at the back of his jeans.

"Kick ass." Stefan said with a smile.

"Bingo." Caroline said as she skipped over to Stefan and placed a kiss on his lips.

"Ew!" Elena said taking off her shoe and throwing it at them. "Get a room!"

"My turn." Damon said popping up.

"No, I want to." Elena slurred slightly.

"Okay." Damon said shrugging.

Elena went to the bowl and grabbed her paper. She pushed her hair out of her face nervously.

"And go!"

Elena's eyes darted around until she made eye contact with Damon.

"What is it, Elena?"

Elena took a deep breath and ran to Damon, flipping him upside down and pressed her lips to his.

Damon sucked his breath in before relaxing slightly and putting his hand on her upside down cheek. Elena pulled back, her lips parted slightly and her breath ragged.

Caroline. Stefan, and Bonnie sat in awe at them. "What the hell was that?" Caroline said after a moment of silence."

Caroline's voice snapped Elena out of her daze and she shoot her head. "It was.. uh Spiderman." She said before covering her mouth. "Ohmygod.. I have to go." Elena said as she ran out the door, one shoe and all.

"Elena, wait!" Damon said shouting as he ran after her down the hall.

Elena burst through the doors, right into a downpour. As if the world wasn't ironic enough. She looked to the sky, attempting to get her bearings, what the hell was wrong with her?

"Elena." Damon said as he stopped directly behind her, staring at her shoulder blades, her shirt clinging to her skin in the rain. "Look at me."

Elena turned around, her hair drenched and her head shaking. "Can we go somewhere? I need to just drive."

"Do you really think that's what we should be doing, right now?"

"It's what I have to do. Otherwise I think I'm going to lose it." She said, her bottom lip trembling.

"Yeah, okay."

"Can I drive?"

Damon nodded and reluctantly handed her his keys. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I will be." She said as she grabbed the keys and jogged to his car.

"Elena you still don't have your shoe!" He said as he shook his head and jogged after her.

"I don't care, Damon!" She said as she slid into his car and started it. Once Damon was in the car she sped away, driving fast down the road.

"Elena you kissed me."

"It was charades, Damon. It was a game." She said as she sped up a little more.

"There are many other ways to portray Spiderman." He said slowly.

"Well I couldn't think of anything else, okay!?" She shouted.

Damon looked at her closely. "Elena, are you okay?"

Elena blinked a few times as she felt a warmth rolling from her nose to her lip. Her nose was bleeding. Her head was spinning and before she knew it she heard Damon shouting, and grabbing the wheel before her eyes rolled back into her head and everything went black.


	5. Rock Me to Sleep

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it's taken so long for me to finish chapter. Sigh. My life has been seriously stressful, and every time I sit down to write I just go blank.**

 **So just stay with me and keep reading, I promise you won't be disappointed! Also, I am not abandoning ANY of my stories, it's just been extra hard for me to write lately, I promise I will get on them as soon as I find the energy. I don't want to produce crap /:**

 **So read and review.** **Let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own TVD, only the plot is mine.**

Elena stood on the edge of the cliff, watching the water lap the rocks at the bottom.

"Are you scared?" Damon asked, his voice like a whisper.

"Of what?"

"You know what."

Elena shrugged. "I don't. I'm just enjoying the view."

"Me too." He said, staring at her.

"Really? That line is painful." Elena said with a laugh.

"Come on, Elena. You can't avoid it any longer."

"I really don't know what you're talking about." She shivered slightly and crossed her arms tightly across her chest.

"Are you cold?"

She nodded slightly and he slid his arms around her from behind, he nuzzled against the back of her neck. "You probably shouldn't be doing that."

"But you want me to. Otherwise I wouldn't be doing it."

She turned slightly to look at him and met his striking blue eyes. "You're right."

"That's why you kissed me."

Elena nodded slowly. "Yes."

"You're using it as a distraction from what's really going on."

"Nothing is going on!"

"Your nose was bleeding Elena!" He said pulling away slightly, still keeping his arms on her.

"So? People's noses bleed! It was dry out.."

"No, Elena it was raining…"

"It doesn't change the fact that a nose bleed is a normal thing.."

"Maybe for some, but not for you. You know that." He said gently.

"Stop. Its nothing, trust me." Elena said insistently. Damon opened his lips slightly to say something else before Elena pressed her lips to his. "Just five minutes okay? Pause?"

Damon nodded with a slight smile, he picked her up, helping her wrap her legs around his waist as he held her up. He pressed his lips to hers, moving one hand up her back under her shirt. He moved his lips from her lips to her jaw, down her neck, then back up to her ear where he whispered, "Elena…"

 _"Elena. Can you hear me?"_

Elena's eyes fluttered open, it had all been a dream. The bright hospital lights shone in her eyes and she squinted slightly, once her eyes adjusted she saw Caroline and Bonnie who were huddled together, crying.

"You're awake!" Caroline said between sobs.

"Care?" Elena said sitting up slightly.

Both girls scurried to Elena's side and Caroline grabbed Elena's hand.

"What happened?" She asked her throat was hoarse.

"You don't remember?" Bonnie asked in response.

Elena shook her head slightly, with a wince.

"There was an accident. You were driving Damon's car…"

Elena blinked a few times, it was all coming back to her. "I was driving… oh my god, Damon. Is he okay?"

Caroline nodded. "He's fine, Elena. He's in the waiting room. He's just worried about you…"

"I don't want to see him, at least not yet."

"We'll tell him."

"And tell him that I'm sorry, for the kiss… for acting like an insane person… I don't know what got over me."

"I think you should tell him that, Elena." Bonnie said softly as she sat on the edge of Elena's bed. "But more importantly you should tell him that you like him.

"But I…"

"Don't lie to me Elena Gilbert. We're your best friends, we know when you're falling in love."

"I just crashed his car, I don't think he's going to want much to do with me…."

"Oh come on, Elena. He is crazy about you." Bonnie said gently.

A gentle rap came on Elena's hospital room door. "Elena?"

Elena sat up slightly in her bed as she saw a young doctor with dark hair and blue eyes. Dr Jo Laughlin.

"Jo." Elena said softly.

"Elena, how are you feeling?" Her voice was smooth and gentle, but it didn't make Elena feel any better. It was never good with Dr Laughlin showed up.

"I'm… Okay." Elena said skeptically.

"Girls, can you give us a second?"

Bonnie and Caroline nodded and linked hands before disappearing into the hallway. Once the door sealed itself shut Elena let out a long breath. "I'm assuming you aren't just here to chat."

"Your friend who was in the car with you explained to me that your nose was bleeding. So I did a few tests."

"Shit." Elena sighed. "It's back, isn't it?"

Jo sat down on the edge of Elena's bed. "I'm sorry, Elena."

Elena buried her face in her hands. "

Damon paced back and forth, as he ran his hands though his hair. "What the fuck.."

"Hey, it's going to be okay." Stefan said, as he leaned against the wall of the ICU waiting room.

"How can you say that, Stefan? You didn't see her…" He shook his head and sat down, burying his face in his hands. "It probably sounds stupid, but I don't think I've ever been more afraid in my life." He looked at his brother.

"You care about her."

"I do." He said with a sigh. "I do. But, that's not the point. The point is that I let her drive even though I knew she was drunk." He sighed. "It's my fault."

"No… No it's not, Damon. It isn't your fault. We all let her walk out of there." Stefan said putting his hand on his brothers shoulder.

"Damn it..." Damon said quietly looking at his brother.

"I know." Stefan said with a sigh. "Why don't you go see her?"

"Caroline and Bonnie are in there... I hope I can go in when they're done."

Stefan nodded moving his hand. "That's good, it'll be good for you two to talk. After that kiss." He said with a gentle smirk.

"God, I don't even want to think about that." Damon groaned.

"Did you not want her to?"

"Of course I did. She's gorgeous, and pretty incredible... Those eyes.." Damon's voice trailed off. "I sound like an idiot don't I?"

"No." Stefan said calmly. "Because you've heard me talk about Caroline that way..."

"Yeah, but you and Caroline love each other." Damon said making a face. "I don't love Elena, she's just..."

"Everything, right?"

"Don't be an idiot." Damon said punching his brother gently.

"Listen, man. It's pretty obvious that you have feelings for her. You can pretend all you want that you don't, but if she is the right girl you owe it to both of you to let her know how you feel."

Damon stood suddenly when he saw a weeping Caroline, whose arms were intertwined with Bonnie, exit Elena's hospital room. "How is she? I saw her doctor go in there, what did she say?"

Bonnie shook her head and wiped her tears off her cheek. "She wouldn't say with us there."

"Shit, that isn't a good sign, is it?"

"We don't know..." Caroline sniffled before she walked into Stefan's open arms. "But Jo was her c.."

"Caroline!"

"Crap, sorry."

"Was her what?" Damon said his eyes darting between the girls. "Somebody needs to speak up and tell me what's happening with Elena."

"She will tell you herself, Damon. When she's ready." Bonnie said glaring at Caroline. "It isn't our place to tell anyone anything about her condition. Besides, we don't even know what's going on with her right now.. Just because Doctor Laughlin is in there doesn't mean we need to worry maybe she is just checking in..."

Elena bit her lip as she looked at Jo. "What's the damage?"

"Well," Jo began. "It is very aggressive... much more so than last time. We need to act fast. I already called Jenna, they should be here within the next twenty four hours."

"Thanks for that."

"I know it isn't how we usually do things but I knew you would want them here."

"How did she take it?" Elena asked nervously.

"She was in shock... I imagine it will hit her more when she sees you."

"Yeah, I'll be ready for it." Elena sighed. "How soon do we have to start?"

"After the girls go home to pack your things. We will move you to the seventh floor."

Elena nodded and blinked a few times. "Okay..."

"Elena, I'm so sorry."

"It.. Isn't your fault." Elena said trying to seem strong. "Have Caroline and Bonnie come in, so I can have them get my stuff."

Jo nodded. "I will see you pretty soon, alright?"

Elena nodded back to Jo and waited for her two best friends to return.

The girls entered the room, hands clasped together. "What is it?"

Elena's bottom lip trembled and tears fell down her cheeks. "The cancer is back."


	6. Forever Feels Like Home

**A/N: Hey guys! I still exist. I am around. I'm attempting to write, to work and it's been a struggle I'll admit. So this one was a long time coming and I'm so so sorry about that. And so this chapter I am dedicating to one of my best friends Alice who has inspired and helped me. And who is co-writing the story with me from now on! :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own TVD, just the plot!**

 _Why do we give flowers to the dying?_ Elena wondered, as she was being lowered into a wheel chair and transported to her new room on the 7th floor. _Is it because they're the only thing that they'll out live? Or even worse, if they live longer than the patient._ Elena sighed and watched the ceiling move as the squeaky wheel chair transported her. She turned slightly to the left to see her friends in the waiting room. Damon stood as he saw her and Bonnie put her hands on his chest to hold him back. "Elena!" She heard him shout, but he just looked away. It was too painful.

Her cancer was back, she could never see him again. The nurse showed her to her room, it was a large suite with a bed that is usually meant for larger patients. Jo had always spoiled her, and it made her smile slightly. There was a couch tucked in the corner and a small round table with a few chairs and a TV in front of the bed. "So this is it, the place I'll be living in for the next month. Joy." She said snark in her voice. "Sorry." She said glancing at her nurse.

"It's okay, I get it." The nurse said gently. "Can I get you anything else? Doctor Laughlin should be back here soon to set you up for chemotherapy."

"Nope, this will do it." Elena said standing slowly before sitting on the bed. "Thanks."

Jo knocked gently on her door. "The girls headed to get your things?"

"Yup." Elena said, kicking her feet.

"We will proceed with chemo first thing in the morning. It is important to be quick about this."

"Then why not start tonight?"

Jo smiled. "I want to give you the night to process, Elena. You're taking it very well. Unlike the cute blue eyed boy in the lobby who almost mowed me down trying to get information about you."

"You didn't?"

"I didn't budge, don't worry. HIPPA and all that." Doctor Laughlin said with a smile. "Who is he?"

"A friend. The one whose car I crashed. Oops."

"He seemed to be more than a friend, Elena." Jo said gently sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. "I think he likes you."

"He clearly does." Elena said with a frown.

"You don't like him?"

"I have cancer, Jo. I have way more problems than a boy."

"You didn't say you didn't like him though."

"Get out of here." Elena said with a laugh. She had known Jo her whole life, her father had graduated from Med school the same year as Jo, they were friends. So Jo was not only her oncologist, but an aunt figure. Elena loved her but in this moment she just wanted to be left alone.

"Okay, I'll give you some time. But we will have to have something big to keep that boy out of here."

Elena made a face and laid back on her bed. She stared at the ceiling, Damon was bad. This was bad. She couldn't do it, she couldn't talk to him, she couldn't see him. She touched her forehead to wipe a bead of sweat away. She closed her eyes and lulled herself to a very restless sleep.

"Hey, Lena." Caroline said poking her head in. "I have your pajamas." She said holding up a suitcase.

"Mmm. Good." Elena said tiredly. She got out of her bed and opened the bag taking out one of her old Mystic Falls High t-shirt and plaid pajama pants. She slid into fuzzy socks and plopped back into bed. "Where's Bonnie?"

"She's trying to calm Damon down, he really has a thing for you." Caroline said sitting at the end of the bed.

"God I wish people would stop talking about him for five minutes."

"You're seriously cranky today."

"Yeah the aggressive Leukemia does that." She said bitterly.

"Well I have greasy fries and brownies if that helps." Caroline said with a smile.

"It does." Elena said with a sigh grabbing a fry from her friends open bag. "I'm sorry, I'm being a bitch."

"Elena's being a bitch? The cancer must be back." Bonnie said popping her head in. "How are you handling this?"

"French fry?" Lena offered, one in between her fingers.

Bonnie curled into the bed with her two other friends. "I brought Bridesmaids, Mean Girls, Burlesque, and Easy A."

"You guys are good friends, you know that?"

"We do." Caroline said with a grin before she shimmied into her pajamas.

"So when do you start chemo?" Bonnie asked gently.

"Tomorrow, probably early in the morning." Elena said popping a fry into her mouth. "Can't wait." She said grinning sarcastically.

"It'll be okay, Lena. You've crushed it once already." Bonnie said encouragingly.

Elena pushed her hair behind her ears and smiled with a nod. "Yeah, it'll all work out." She said, not believing it for a second but the words slipped out of her mouth to make her two best friends in the entire world feel better.

Caroline hopped up and picked a movie popping it in the DVD player when a gentle rap came on the door. "Come in." Elena called.

At that moment a disgruntled Jenna pushed through the door followed by Alaric Saltzman. Jenna's red hair was sticking up all over the place and her eyes were puffy from crying. "Elena…"

"Hi Jenna." Elena said, watching her friends move out of the way so her aunt could fly onto Elena's bed and pulled her into her arms.

"Are you okay? Of course you aren't okay.. but how are you feeling?"

"Other than some anemia bruises I am doing fine, really?" Jeremy walked up and awkwardly stood behind Jenna waiting for her to move out of the way. "Hi Jer."

"Lena." Jeremy said pulling her into a hug. "I was so worried, but you look okay."

"I feel okay, really guys I do." Elena said with a nod.

Jenna eyed her as if she wasn't sure if Elena was capable of being alright at that moment.

"If you ask me how I'm doing again I may lose my mind so please.. Just trust me. If I'm going to freak out it has yet to happen and I'm happy about that."

"There's a boy." Caroline chirped.

"What?" Alaric asked, alarmed.

"CAROLINE!" Elena shouted.

"A boy? Like a boy, boy?"

"Yes! They like each other!"

"Out! Now!" Elena said, angrily. Why did she think she had the right? Nothing was happening with Damon, and now that she is sick nothing would ever happen with him. She didn't do that. It was wrong to start something with someone when death is such a huge option. A pit re emerged in her stomach, the same pit that grew when her parents died. She wouldn't put someone through that if she could avoid it. Except with her it'd be worse, they would watch her die over time it was too late for her family, Caroline and Bonnie. They already loved her before she was diagnosed. But Liam? She didn't love him enough to put him through that, and something deep inside her knew. Even though she would never admit it out loud to herself or anyone else, she knew that the cancer was coming back. It was a feeling in her bones. "Just get out, NOW!" Elena shouted again, as she pointed to Caroline coldly.

Bonnie took Caroline's arm and lead her out of the room, both girls looking sad and a little frightened.

"Elena.." Jenna said gently.

"He's just a guy, Jenna. A friend. Who Care wants me to see, but he is just a friend." Elena repeated once more, for Jenna's sake. At least she told herself it was for Jenna's sake.

Caroline stormed out of Elena's hospital room, pain and sadness in her eyes. Damon flew out of his seat the moment he saw the blonde stumble out of the room. "Caroline!"

Her eyes met his worried ones and she rolled her eyes. "God, you care so much."

"What's happening in there, Caroline? I saw her doctor and she wouldn't tell me anything…" Damon mumbled nervously.

"It's cancer, Damon. She has Leukemia for the second time in her life and she is too damn stubborn to let anyone in and care about her." Caroline said quickly, and angrily.

"What?" Damon asked, in shock.

"Caroline!" Bonnie said in shock, following her by the heels out of Elena's room. "That wasn't your place…"

"I don't give a shit right now, Bon." Caroline said. "Good luck, Damon. Because she will make you wish you didn't ever love her." Then she murmured under her breath. "But for some reason you just can't stop." She grabbed Stefan's hand, who was looking shocked, and pulled him along with her right to the elevator and out of the hospital.

Damon's eyes started to water and he collapsed into the chair. "Cancer…"

Bonnie sat next to him and immediately took his hand. "She starts chemo tomorrow, she is stubborn… but she beat this once already, Damon. She can do it again."

"Why wouldn't she let someone tell me?"

"I… I can't answer that for her, Damon."

"Shit." He whispered under his breath. "I'm such an idiot."

"No, you aren't. Caroline and I have went through this with Elena before. It will be hard. But if anyones worth the extra effort it is Elena."

Damon smiled slightly before shaking his head. "I've known her for a blink but I already know that is true."

He leaned back and closed his eyes, removing his hand from within Bonnie's and ran them both through his dark hair. He sighed. "Damn it. I don't…" He couldn't finish his thought, not now. Not until he saw her.

In his head he could see her, smiling and rolling her eyes. Those dark chocolate eyes, and her heart shaped lips. She was pushing her hair out of her face and batting her long eyelashes. He could still feel her Spiderman kiss on his lips. The last time he saw her, and they were normal they were kissing. Then driving, then all darkness. And that was something that he never expected, ever since she had crashed into his life everything had changed and there had been no more darkness. No more pain, only those chocolate eyes.


End file.
